Hubbys Choice for Hump Day
Marco Da Silva
Hubby requested my next guy to post should be Marco-- he is one of my hubbys fave "other" husbands! I think we need to add him to the side bar as well. As he said hes Portuguese!! Ahem --just like Rad and then also some of the hottest men around! Indeed! :-)

TUESDAYS TREAT
Brandon Kent
Found this damm fine hunk of buring love looking around today-- its an old photo shoot but WHOA is all I have to say... Holy hunk a rama! See so much more of him in some VERY scrummy pics here.....NSFW

Baby I am burning out of control.....

A Roller Coaster Of Emotions

Hope your week is going well. Its been nice here in Seattle--Kinda too warm and hot with the 80-90 temps... but looks like we are back into a steady pattern of 70's for sometime which is perfect! Not to hot not too cold.

So I am a roller coaster of emotions on a daily basis these days.....I'm happy...then sad.... then excited.... then bitchy...and for some reason I sleep a heck of allot these days. Losing mom has definitely changed me in allot of ways....I guess I am looking at my life a little differently lately as I reflect more and more...Maybe I shouldn't be writing anything right now as it maybe too deep ....oh well... I guess there is a delete option if needed on my blog anyhow....

So it has been 3 weeks that mum has passed. Before this we were able to have many a long visits and talks and in them we would discuss all sorts of things about life and such... We discussed so much and through them I knew what she wanted of me in my life...what she saw in me, thought of me and what I had done with my life thus far. She was so very proud and she made sure I knew that always.... and I have always been so appreciative of her approval on it and proud. I am just so happy we had the opportunity to kinda talk about many things in the last year and then again in the last few months ...though not at all as much as we should off really....but we both tried as we both didn't want to face the fact that she was going to die soon and kinda avoided that subject....She was such a fighter and we all had hope she would beat each battle as she had done so many times. The last battle was just too much for her. And she fought it up to the very end. Such a strong women. Oh those talks...I will cherish each and every one now. I told her on many occasions that I loved her and how how much I am who I am because of her love and upbringing and influences........but really it was only a few days prior to her passing that I told her how much I loved her and also told her how I was going to miss her so so much....That was the only time that I really told mom how much I would miss her....She held me tight and I sobbed more than I ever have in her embrace....even now it breaks my heart to think and its so hard to even write this..... I know I have so much more to say and to elaborate and to put down into words and print ......and I will do so in time.....as I know I will want to have it to look back upon.... to reflect on....my raw emotions....I'm just not so ready to put it all down just yet....

So as days go by and time goes on I feel changes in the midst for me.....some priorities have changed for me even more so now....these are things that were already in the works anyhow....its just now I know how important it is that I keep on the right path I had already started. I really have been implementing changes since the start of the year but now its even more valid and clear. I have even more gumption to get them going and I am more accelerated.

About 2 months ago I had one of many long talks with mom. This one was about my current life and how I felt about it....I wanted change and confided in her...she validated it all..... She was proud of who I had become etc...what I had accomplished etc... but she also knew I was not happy and called me on it! Funny as we both knew exactly why as well. We both agreed that I had become somewhat "lazy" and or "comfortable" in my life. She told me how she knew I was unhappy for quite sometime and how she wished for me to be happy again and that it was up to me to make the changes needed in my life. I knew what they were that needed to be implemented. These changes are even more so important now than ever.

The obvious one is to live life to the fullest as we all know its shorter than we realize. We all know and hear this but even more so as we age and especially when we lose a loved one. So I am going to definitely live this life and make it happy for me and one that would make my mother proud. But to make this a reality I have to make a few personal changes as well. I need to make changes to my rooster..I need to surround myself with true family and friends and to remove the excess baggage and junk that I don't need. More than ever in the past year and now with moms death I can clearly see who the "good eggs" were and are. I already started changing and removing those that don't necessarily fit into my lifestyle- and it wasn't that most of them did anything bad to me.... for most its just I can just see how they don't belong or fit into my life anymore.

Sadly its a no benefit means no need in my life motto right now as to me life is too short to make time for those that..... well you know. And you know what? Since making changes in this dept I am already so much happier.....and it will continue. I need to shed and remove to grow. I will be cordial as my mom would want that but that is all...I need to get back to what made me truly happy and I need to drop the gamers, users and posers....all the BS.... Or at least what I think is BS. I also I need to distance myself from those that are superficiuos I mean who the fuck cares what you drive, where you live, what you wear, where you shop.....etc... Are those people truly happy? And I also need to drop the low end users that give nothing in return and only take take take and live off your culture your Hawaiiana-- all the posers need to say good bye!

I need to look in the mirror and make sure I am happy.... I need to be happy again soon......And I need to live my life how I want to live it--I need to speak up....its a real simple change...change so exciting!!

The Fabulous Beekman Boys

One of my absolute faves shows on TV right now!!! Josh Kilmer-Purcell and Brent Ridge are The Fabulous Beekman Boys!! Please check it out.

I LOVE IT. They are city boys that are now farm boys and I just adore them and love the relationship they have and they are just so darn cute in so many ways! Everything about this show is awesome and fresh...The hubby and I love it.....really makes us want to move to a small town too!

The "other" Husband
Mr Derrick Davenport
Needed my fave of faves today ... he ALWAYS cheers me up....I just love this man......I am looking forward to a nice weekend of rest, warm sunshine and some R and R for me and my head.....Hope yours goes well too.. xoxo Rad

I so miss you mom...
Its been 2 weeks since my mom passed away. Its been so fucken hard....I slowly I feel myself getting back to normal.......Well I don't know if normal is the right word as I don't think I will ever be normal again. Oh heck I was never normal anyhow.....Its just a big change and a very big hurt that is hard to explain or relay into words....still.....

I so miss her everyday still and think about her every single day so much.... Only thing that helps is keeping busy which seems to help a bit-- as long as my mind seems to be focused on other things it helps... I know I look like shit and feel like shit....Lots of sleeping......but I am hanging in there.

Its a FUCKEN HEAT WAVE!
Its about time.....I fucken love it!


Heat advisory for the greater puget sound region now in effect until 9 pm pdt Friday, The heat advisory for the greater puget sound region is now in effect until 9 pm pdt Friday.
Daytime temperatures: Highs will be in the lower to mid 90s for much of the area today, and in the upper 80s and lower 90s on Friday.
Night-time temperatures: Minimum temperatures will cool off to the upper 50s and 60s tonight providing some relief from the heat, but this will not occur until several hours after midnight. Noticeable cooling will not occur until after sunset which is still around 9 pm tonight, and even then it can take a few hours for significant cooling to occur. Locations on hill sides and hill tops will not cool off as much and minimum temperatures may only reach the upper 60s and lower 70s.
Impacts: The elderly, small children, and people who work outside are especially vulnerable to the effects of heat. Heat exhaustion or heat stroke are possible if proper precautions are not taken.
Precautionary/preparedness actions,
A heat advisory means that a period of hot temperatures is expected. The combination of hot temperatures and high humidity will combine to create a situation in which heat illnesses are possible. Drink plenty of fluids, stay in an air-conditioned room, stay out of the sun, and check up on relatives and neighbors.

Aloha 'Oe

Mom's Service is Tomorrow 6-29 St Anthony's Church in Renton.

3pm Visitation 4pm Mass 5pm Reception.

Been busy getting all the arrangements done. I wanted to make sure it was perfect. Its going to be a beautiful service-- a celebration of her life.

Aloha' Oe

Proudly swept the rain by the cliffs

As it glided through the trees

Still following ever the bud

The `ahihi lehua of the vale

Farewell to you, farewell to you

The charming one who dwells in the shaded bowers

One fond embrace,

'Ere I depart

Until we meet again

Sweet memories come back to me

Bringing fresh remembrances

Of the past

Dearest one, yes, you are mine own

From you, true love shall never depart

I have seen and watched your loveliness

The sweet rose of Maunawili

And 'tis there the birds of love dwell

And sip the honey from your lips

Mommy

My mom passed away yesterday morning. She was surrounded by her family "ohana" and I am lost for words and numb at this time. My heart hurts more than it ever has. I will be away for a bit from blogging. I am so going to miss my mommy who was not only the best mom ever she was also my best friend.

Mom in 1966 Kaimiki High. Diane Joyce Paulos --

Look Out Weekend!
here we come...

Week went sorta quick eh... How was it for you? So Wednesday nights gay skate was major fun...Alot of friends came and we had a super duper time. It was a very busy night and the most I have seen at Gay Skate yet.....It was nice for our peeps to come out on a school night so that was cool...it was fun to see everyone....Only thing missing at these events is drinks....but then again I don't think we want people skating that are buzzed!! LOL! There was lots of cute boys at the rink too! Does every gay boy know how to skate? It seems most of us have that gene to roll on wheels with ease... good times!

I am happy its Friday... Family coming in tonite from Hawaii and then a get together for dads day on Sunday at my moms. Mom is the same....She has good times and bad....I appreciate the time I am having with her. I enjoy every moment..I just continue to pray that she is ok and doesn't ever get any pain during this transition.

Now the weather here is crazy.....Lots of funny bets out on when we will hit 75 degrees as we have yet to even hit it this year...We hit 73 last Saturday....we seem to linger in the 60s everyday...No summer yet in Seattle that's for sure...

Hope you have a fabu weekend and to all my BFFS in Portland! Have a fricken awesome pride! Wish I was there with ya to celebrate..I love ya!

PS ....and to all you dads...Happy Fathers day to you! :-) Special hug for you Bryan!

Pic of Linda and I at the rink..

Team Kellan
Still Team Kellan!! YAY!! Saw this all over today and had to jump on the bandwagon! I believe the next Twilight movie is a few weeks away? I wish Mr Lutz had more of a role in this whole Twilight franchise but hes gotten alot of bang from us nevertheless hasn't he? Kellan is and will always be my guy.....You all out there on the other teams and all them girls can have the other 2......The ones two gayish anyhow and the other look like he needs a bath big time....just saying!

SEATTLE GAY SKATE
night tonite!
Off to GAY SKATE SEATTLE tonite.....Looking forward to skating to some jams and just rolling rolling rolling....Hope to see the usual suspects and some new ones too...I'm thinking it will be a good "Calgon take me away time". I need it!

Daydreamer
Some days you just want to nod off.....Some days you want a boy in cute gym shorts and tube socks to nod off so you can get a cute pic of him.... I feel a bit under the weather today. It might be all the stress though. I have been sleeping a heck of alot this week....Now if I was a younger lad my mom would say well it must be that Im growing....but now that I am more closer to being an old bag....Its most likely my body is telling me that I need the rest... Is it Friday yet? Hurry up already.....

Make Me a Supermodel's Ronnie Kroell
In Playgirl
Remember Ronnie Kroell? Oh how I loved that bromance between he and BEN on Make Me A Supermodel...Well I'm sure you have seen all over the web these days the Ronnie is in Playgirl shoot....Shall we say he has ALOT to show off...Puts Levi to shame...Now whatever happen to Ben?? That's what I want to know!

Matthew Mitcham
Matthew Mitcham of Australia is so darn cute....He celebrates after winning the Men's 10m Platform Diving World Cup in China a few days ago... So Cute!

Down
I am down today. I hope god is watching over my mommy.... Its hard to think about anything else today besides mom and just stuff....stuff stuff stuff....Im at work but my mind is so not ..... I can think of so many other things I would rather be doing today.....

The "Uncle"
So quite a few e mails from you fellas about the post below on my "uncle" ...First of all here is the post Here I guess I did not elaborate much on it or maybe I did but I could not find the post I thought I had written....So here goes.

When we moved to Seattle in 1980 my dad started the police academy in Shelton after leaving the Honolulu Police force....as he wanted to be with the Seattle force. He made a few friends from the academy and it was normal for them to come over and hang out at the house on weekends and or breaks from school ---They would have dinner, play poker, BBQ, and drink beer etc. I was 14 going on 15 at the time. There was one "uncle" in particular that would pay attention to all the kids and I thought he was just the best guy. He really was one of my first real man crushes now that I think back but at the time I knew nothing about what this "crush" or the "feelings" meant.... you know what I mean? I just knew he made me feel good when he was around. Heck I didn't even know I was gay.......let alone what gay was.....I just knew I had feelings for guys that was not suppose to normal to feel and I hoped that one day it would hopefully just go away.... As it was wrong to think of guys in the way I did.

Uncle hot cop kinda resembled the man in the pic.......less the tats. So he would hang out and play with us kids--dodge ball and basket ball as we had a BB court at home. I loved to play BB with him and we would play into the warm evenings when he came over....he was just a cool guy and I was happy to hang with a dude! On one of his visits he came by with a big box of King Crab from Alaska (as he was from AK originally/now in Seattle to be a cop) Dad put some steaks on the grill.... mom made her famous salad.... and the neighbors were over with other fixings and like other times everyone got together and they all drank beer, wine ate pupus and we all had a good time at a BBQ.... and as usual he would horse play with us kids throughout the day. It was just normal horse play... like to hold you down, fake choke you and make you cry "Uncle".. tickle you to death ....and throw ya around in the yard and play chase and race...silly fun stuff!


That evening after dinner he and I started horsing around in the living room and started wrestling...this was normal but on this night he was being really rough! I remember he got me really mad and angry and I recall how everyone was laughing at how mad and 'Red" I got with anger. The more he laughed the more angry I got as he was holding and pinning me down and holding me hard in body locks just like a pretzel! He was pretty hairy and then he started rubbing his whisker face on my face, neck and chest...HARD! thus giving me major hair burns all over! He really enjoyed making me scream and squirm! My mom, dad, friends and other kids laughed as this was normal for me and my uncle to horse around.....

Well something was different this time though..... and as we continued wrestling I developed and then got a major woody! And then I started to feel he had one too! All I remember is that we wrestled for a very LONG time that night after that....it was alot of rubbing and such against each other.....now these days I would call that foreplay...LOL!! I also remember how we would cool down and catch our breaths in each other arms so our "ahems" would conceal a bit and we did this a few times...... So it was a very hot time.... I was sorta confused but I knew at that point what was going on....and I liked it ALOT..... And he knew I knew if you know what I mean...

So "Uncle" spent the night this night---as he had done so on many other occasions as dad didn't want him driving home after drinking. And so on this very night I kissed my first man. I remember it very well. He asked me If I knew how to kiss and I told him "no" and so he "taught" me. That's all that happened and then about a month later I had my true first experience with a man....we did not have sex but everything else if you know what I mean.... Then NOTHING ever happened again and he stopped coming by after this night to visit. I didn't ask about him to my dad either. I missed him and thought about him when I was alone and such for awhile but I was young and I was in a new school and was preoccupied with all that and then I was into this whole new guy anyhow......which helped me forget him ...And I had girlfriends that I was trying to pursue- it was a busy time for me..

Weeks later... my dad and my "uncle" graduated from the police academy and I saw him there and shook his hand....And we smiled at each other....but I never saw or heard form him again....Nor did I ever think to contact him......I guest we both just knew it was a no no what had happened --it was taboo....and I knew it was best for me to bury it and make like it never happened......We did that often us early gays! LOL .... I really don't think it was a case of molestation either... so please don't even go there. I think one of the reasons he beelined out of our lives is that he felt he had wronged me and my family by what had happened between us what we shared....He felt guilty is my guess when I look back now......My dad told me years later he heard he got married and had moved to Oregon.... I do have a photo of him still...... its my dads police academy grad photo and he is wearing cop mirror shades in the pic......very Chips.....he is the only guy in shades in the class pic ....its kinda funny!

I do wonder what happen to him....I would love to tell him how that encounter meant so much to me...

The FUZZ!
Or as I call them "Da Uncles"

I love calling cops "the fuzz . So I was totally surrounded by cops growing up...Now don't you get the wrong idea naughty boys! I really was a good boy.....I will go out on a limb and say a VERY GOOD boy! My step daddy was with the Honolulu Police Dept and then when we moved here he was with the Seattle Police Department for many years. He is now in heaven and its hard to believe he has been gone for a few years. Culturally in Hawaii and for most locals from Hawaii your elders are looked up too and guys are typically called "Uncle" and all women are all called "Aunty".....So growing up I had a lot of cops I called my "uncles". I talked about one of my first "experiences" which was with a "uncle" when I was 15 in a previous post. So we can say I have a thing for the fuzz!

Weekend is here and I am happy work week is over for the week. We are going out tonight...Will be meeting up with friends to listen to some Hawaiian "Jams" (music) and eat some "ono" ( yummy) Hawaiian food! Not much else planned for my weekend. I need to spend time some quality time with my mom as she is not doing good and we had more bad news this week from her doctors. I am actually hoping to maybe take some time off in the next week or so and just stay with her and hang out so we can just enjoy each others company. I see her every weekend and I enjoy our times we have.

I really haven't talked about my moms illness much in my blog....I guess I am not ready to do that yet...let alone talk at all about it much verbally or to many it seems......its all just too much to even start on and to grasp in my head. my mind and to even put into words you know? The whole situation with my mom just sucks so bad. We just don't know how much longer she will be with us here......I wish I could say its for another year "I have hope" but I know times going very fast these days and I know and feel in my heart that we don't have much longer as she is getting tired and its hard to see her battle so much. I can see it in her eyes lately. She is tired and scared. I am scared as well. I try to not think about it 24/7 but is hard not too. I think I have been throwing myself into work and other things as its keeps my mind off of it a bit which is good and bad. Its at night when I go to bed that enters into my head and I toss and turn over it all..... So life right now is kinda in a tailspin a bit..... Don't worry Rad is fine... its just fragile times for me right now.

The hardest or maybe most annoying part is the shit I have to hear from people...how I need to be strong and I need to be positive and I have to not let the stress get to me. The whole make lemonade out of lemon mentality--you know that motivational type of hog shit....Though I appreciate it as I know its the thought that counts I really much rather scream oh fuck you! I have has a few of these " stay positive comments" in the last few months and it really rattled my cage. I just want my true family and friends to just say " Hey Bud I love you and I am here for you man and your family......That's all.....easy breezy....forget all the BS....And the ones that just keep it simple are my true rocks.... The rest can take a flying well you know......I don't have time for the preach types.....So I have been making sure to not let any stress get to me. I will be strong when needed and even weak when I may crumble....But I am human and I will be ok.

Heck.... I had 25 plus cops as my uncles! And lots of friends and OHANA to shape the Rad Homo I am today....So I know I will good. I think I have a pretty good idea on where, what and who really matters in my life with what has happened in the last year.....

Peace out!

I Have Been So Busy

up to my beefy thighs....

One of my guilty pleasures--Scrummy good thighs on a hunk!!! Yes I'm still here...Have not posted in a week but I wanted to check in and tell ya I am alive and kickin! Just busy! Hope all is well out there! Miss you MWAH!

Cute Undies!

Fellas not so bad either....Hot dog!