Sunday, December 05, 2010

Down Time
Feeling down. Yesterday was a bummer of a day and everything that could go wrong did. I start to think of all the shit going on and it all tornadoes into a whirlwind of worry for me. So yesterday was a fucked up day for me...I don't have many of those but lately I just have so much on my plate. Just so much going on in my life to juggle and with that it sometimes gets overwhelming. I think I was just overloaded with all I have going on right now. Last night took a "pain pill" and I finally relaxed. ahhhhhh.... I was able to relax and then calm down. Finally went to bed at 2..... I am thinking straighter now this morning and I know everything will work out.... All my worry about all the shit work, starting a business and just making sure ends are met daily will work out and transpire as I am a strong guy and capable of making it all work.

Just every now and then I just get tired and defeated. It all comes to a tidal wave of emotions. Its difficult as I said many times B4 my mom was my confidant.... my sounding board.....my BFF.....so I am lost and alone these days in that area for support as the most important part and element in my life is someone to talk to at times like this... Hubby tries his best but we all know you need another ear than that sometimes.....I do love him so but sometimes I need a break from that.... Friends? Many.... but not any I feel comfortable with that I can confide in or vent too....Plus lately I feel like a burden.....there's that guys who lost his mom and job...what a loser! LOL! I know get over it Rad!! But you get that vibe from people you know...Im tired of some people even being rude..... I am ready to punch out a few of them and might do so soon.......It is funny to see who really supports you in rough times. Im not one to reach out... I do try though. My blog buddies and people I would never realize are now here for us....Those we thought would are so not....Funny how that works....You can so see the good from the bad....

I know I should think about going to see a therapist to chat with but don't have the funds for that! LOL!! Oh.... I am just rambling....Sorry just venting out bored on a Sunday am...checking out my fave blogs which seem to get my mind off the crap I have in my head. Like I said things are ok......gosh it could be so worst..... Si I know we will make it work!!!! I just miss being able to call or go visit mom and she would make me all strong again...she was my power pill...my energizer...I need to try to do that alone now...... so very hard! Ok back to you regular scheduled blog fun now... Thanks for the ear......

7 comments:

queer heaven said...

good morning buddy.
I know this sounds very simplistic, but you knew your Mom for many,many years. And you must know exactly how she would react to any situation. So, go ahead and talk with her about what is going on... you will hear her answers.

Kevin said...

rad, if you have a friend who would think "what a loser!" because of what you've been through, then that's not a real friend.

feel better soon.

Laissez Faire said...

You arent alone.I hope you find comfort in that. Good luck!!!

Jeremy Ryan said...

Everyone keeps telling me that my situation will work out, but I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Funny thing is I've been here before and it has all worked out some how.

I believe your situation too will work out. True friends will listen to you and give you sound advice. So don't be afraid, reach out to someone. :)

Mark in DE said...

Oh man, I know how you feel! I too am unemployed and feel the weight of needing to keep up with bills, etc. I don't have any miracle answers for either of us, but please know you aren't alone. Try to let your trusted friends help by 'being there' for you.

JiffyJim said...

Your post made so much sense. Nobody "gets" us like our Moms. I, too, lost my parents within about a year of each other. And, as close as I was with my Mom, I was that far away from my Dad. She passed first in May of 2006 and, of course, I still miss her...esp. 'round the holidays...and each year it's a bit different feeling.
I just try to keep on but it's not always that easy or simple. I'm truly on my own in that I'm a single person with a single income. I have a few close friends and we do support each other, thankfully. I guess I just want you to know you're not alone in what you're going thru. Happy, Merry, Jim

A Lewis said...

Sounds like each of our lives at one point or another. I send you nothing but wishes for a better day, today....over yesterday. Keep at it. Truly, it is one day at a time. Let yesterday fade into where it belongs. Big warm winter hugs.