Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Thoughts

So its been 2 months since my mom passed. I am doing better with the way I feel. I'm not so emotional....Still emotional just not really emotional. Had a nice visit at my mom and dads house on Sunday....Dad and I went through some stuff and talked alot. I took a few sentimental items to have at home and we went through some of her personal papers. I got her jade bracelet that hubby and I had got for her that she wore so often. As dad said it was her favorite. We had dinner together and just had a really good visit. It was hard to be in that house at first, kinda weird, but also very comfortable as I could feel her all around it. As my aunts say the whole house is "all Diane" (moms name is Diane) and its so true.....It still very hard to change things about or in it....I guess maybe in time my dad maybe able to do it ....just not now..... It was just really nice to be at her home where we spent so so many hours and times together. I know she was happy to see me back as I am sure she watches over me. I haven't been able to go back since she passed. It was a good thing I finally did. I went through her coat closet and I could smell her again. It made me miss her so much but I felt close to her again.

Dad is going home to Hawaii in a few weeks and I shortly after. It will be hard for us to be home n Honolulu without her but we know she would also be happy for us. I waited and waited hoping to get a chance to take her home but it never came as she never got strong enough :-( This would of been her trip so we be making sure to do all the stuff she enjoyed. And to make sure we enjoy ourselves. She would of wanted that. Dad and I wont be taking her home on this trip. Her final resting spot is The Valley of the Temples but we are going to do that later when all my siblings can also make the trip. We plan to do this next spring. However Dad asked that he and I work on picking a stone/plot for her and him when we go back next month.

So hubby and I went to a Hawaiian function on Friday which was awesome--We wished we could of stayed for the whole thing but we left to hit up a friends b day. He is a nice guy so we made sure to go. It was sorta a snore but it was nice to see some of the peeps. Saturday we got together with friends and it was just what the doctor ordered. We were both so happy and it felt really good.....had some great deep talks. We really have had so very few if any of these times since moms passing.....I haven't had a good talk or outlet like this in months! and man I needed it....gets me thinking on just strange it is to see how much the landscape has changed in our lives with people. I have come to realize who I want in my life and who I care to have in my life. Its like a light that just clicked .....Or a whole new theme park......I have touched a bit on all this in a few postings before....

I guess it somewhat has and continues to be enlightening to see who was and is supportive.....especially at a time one may need it most- not that it is something one should expect nor should it matter really nor should it measure someones friendship-- but lets face it... it kinda does! Ha! I got more heart and support from some of my blog buddies that I have never met in person as compared to some yahoos here in Seattle that call themselves friends. Not that I was super surprised for the most part on this. But now most importantly I now know the ones that should indeed be cherished in my life. And yes there are some that I really would like to have nothing to do with anymore really.....so over them....but I am sure in time. So I keep them at arms length... Plus I know what comes around goes around so it will all work out in the end.

Anyhow its all good. Sometimes I get lonely- As I used to confide in my mother so much and now that's missing as I don't have anyone here in Seattle to talk with like that anymore . Well one but he is busy with his family most of the time. I have my best bud in AZ and he has really been there. He will be in Hawaii with his partner with us next month so that will be so very cool...I have the best hubby but sometimes you need a third party.....Oh well I'm rambling again and this post is getting much to long and crazy.... In ending lets hope things keep falling into place as it should. I am hopeful life will get to where it should be...


10 comments:

Steven Anthony said...

I often maevel since my mom passed how time passses so quickly, but also stands still.....hugs my friend, just take one day at a time.

Steven Anthony
Man Dish~Metro Style

A Lewis said...

The memories will never fade. Believe me. After 16 years of missing my Dad, I still do. I think I'd appreciate having him more today than even as a child. Big giant hugs to you.

queer heaven said...

Lovely post. You sound like you are on the right path.
You will be fine.

Ray's Cowboy said...

My heart goes out to you. But remember she is with you in your heart.
Hugs
Ray

Bob said...

Three and a half years later, something will happen to me, good, bad, or indifferent, and I reach for the phone to call my mom and then I remember.
It does get easier as time passes, though it doesn't get any better.
Hugs.

Princessa lil mexico said...

Remember honey, we all have pain. But to quote the fabulous Rupaul. "We are all family, and when one of us is hurting we all hurt." I am always here for you. You are the closest thing i have to ohana i have here in Seattle!

stevecavalcanti said...

Hey :) good to hear that you have been able to carry on with your life,im sure she will always be in your mind but the best way to celebrate her life is making yourself happy because that is what any mother wants the most ! hugs

Jeremy Ryan said...

Glad to hear that you are doing better. Reflect on all of the good memories. It's something that one never recovers from but slowly you get used to it. Hang in there.

Rob Gutro said...

I came across your blog today, and saw this post. My deepest sympathies to you on losing your mom. I lost my dad 2 years ago, but know he's around. I inherited an ability to sense spirits, and I've actually been able to communicate with my dad (much to my mother's surprise and happiness). In fact, my dad helped me find my mother's missing driver's license (she lives 300 miles away from me). SO, talk to your mom- she can hear you from the other side. Really. I'm a developing medium, and want to let you know that our loved ones are still around us after they pass. My partner's late partner has also come through to me (and proven it was him). Free free to drop me a note on my blog if you have questions- I try to help people understand. http://ghostsandspiritsinsights.blogspot.com/. Sincerely, Rob

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